#1 in our series: The Four Agreements for Musicians
As a musician, I have zero doubt that you are already aware of the weight of one’s words. A single wrong comment in a rehearsal can throw off the vibe of the entire band. A careless response to (or from) a producer or recording engineer can completely shut down everyone’s creative flow. And let’s not even get started on the damage that an offhanded social media post or comment can cause.
This idea of being careful with your words (and tone) isn’t new, but I’m not sure that it’s ever been more beautifully articulated than by Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements. This is one of a few books that I have personally revisited time and time and time again, because my mind and heart need regular reminders of its lessons. In it, Ruiz outlines four powerful principles for living with integrity and peace, the first of which is:
Be impeccable with your word.
Ruiz explains that being impeccable with your word means speaking with honesty, clarity, and integrity—not only to others but also to yourself. Words are powerful tools that can create or destroy. They can uplift or demoralize. They can build connection or drive division.
I would be willing to bet that you can point out examples of this that you’ve witnessed or experienced even just today. Perhaps from the last conversation you had. Or from the scrolling you were doing right before you clicked to read this newsletter.
For musicians, this applies not only to what we speak verbally but also to what we create and how we communicate with everyone around us.
How You Speak to Your Bandmates Matters
You’ve probably experienced this: you’re in rehearsal, things aren’t clicking, and someone makes a snarky comment about the drummer’s timing or the singer’s pitch. Suddenly, the room feels heavier. Creativity dries up. The mood shifts from collaborative to defensive.
And maybe the gist of it all was 100% true. The rhythmic execution was all over the place, or the intonation was definitely on the warbly side.
Let’s imagine that same scenario again but, this time, instead of un-filtered criticism, you hear:
“Hey, we really could tighten that up quite a bit. Can we try slowing it down and just looping that one section a bunch of times? Or what do you guys think?”
See the difference? It was spun from a YOU problem into a WE problem.
[Publicly leaving myself this reminder to read the book Us––which my friend Dylan has told me is all about this sort of reframing from “Me/You” to “We/Us”]
Words can either fuel creativity or shut it down. Being impeccable with your word means communicating with respect, even when you’re giving tough feedback. It’s about speaking with intention, not emotion.
Application: Next time you’re rehearsing or collaborating, focus on framing your feedback in a way that’s constructive rather than critical. Swap phrases like “That’s wrong” with “What if we tried it this way?”
How You Speak to Yourself Matters
Musicians are notorious for self-deprecation.
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never be able to play like that.”
“My [enter just about any technique or skill here] just isn’t strong enough.”
Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. It’s unlikely for a day to go by without multiple forms of these going through my own head.
We often tell ourselves stories that reinforce our weaknesses instead of supporting our growth. Ruiz argues that your words create your reality. If you keep telling yourself you’re not good enough, you’ll start to believe it, and your performance will reflect that.
Thankfully, the opposite is also true. Continually tell yourself that you’re growing and improving . . . you’ll start thinking and taking action in the ways that growing/improving people do . . . and your performance will begin to reflect that. As has been attributed to Henry Ford:
“Whether you think you CAN or you think you CAN’T, you’re right.”
Application: Watch your self-talk. Start paying attention to how you talk to yourself about your music and your music making. If you catch yourself in a negative loop, stop and rewrite that inner dialogue.
“I’m working on my technique and getting better every day.”
“This song isn’t quite there yet, but I’m learning a lot in the process.”
“I’m proud of the progress I’ve made so far.”
How You Speak Through Your Music Matters
Ruiz’s idea of being impeccable with your word extends beyond conversation . . . it also applies to the music you create and share. Your music is your voice.
I like to look at this from two vantage points:
The macro: On a wider, more general level, are you speaking honestly through your playing? Or are you buried deep within someone else’s style, technique, or approach that you’ve admired, analyzed, studied, and practiced?
The micro: Zooming in closer, down to the actual notes, rhythms, melodies, lyrics, etc., are you being intentionally with each one? Or are the sounds you output being created rather haphazardly?
The most compelling musicians are the ones who communicate authentically—whether that’s through lyrics, melodies, or drum fills. Being impeccable with your word music means creating from a place of your personal truth(s), not from imitation. It also means meaning what you say play.
On a macro level, I want to filter all of my accumulated drum knowledge through the lenses of my varied personal interests and hopefully emerge on the other side with something that is uniquely me. I also respect that I’ve not even scratched the surface of that and that it’s going to be a lifelong endeavor.
On the micro level, I want to keep improving my note placement in time (with or without a metronome). And my dynamic range on my instrument. And my feel. And a gazillion other tiny and huge things. I also respect that I’ve not even scratched the surface of any of that and that these, too, are going to be lifelong endeavors.
Be impeccable with your music.
Application 1: The next time you’re writing or recording a song, ask yourself: Does this feel true to who I know myself to be? If not, strip it down and start again. The most powerful music is the kind that comes from an honest place.
Application 2: Be a little pickier (and more honest with yourself) the next time you sit down to practice. Am I really all that good at playing that phrase? Or should I buckle down, focus, and drill this for the next 30 minutes before moving on to anything else?
Let’s be real: being impeccable with your word or your music is hard. It requires slowing down, thinking before speaking or playing, and sometimes swallowing your pride. It might even require speaking or playing less. But the rewards are worth it. Better communication leads to better collaborations. A stronger self-dialogue leads to more confident performances. And honesty in your music leads to deeper connection with your audience.
The goal here isn’t perfection. Thank goodness for that, because I am miles from perfect at applying this principle. The goal is simply awareness. It’s about speaking with intention more often, treating yourself and others with respect on a regular basis, and reminding yourself to show up as authentically as possible in your music. Let’s do this!
Happy music making–
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